Folks, let’s recall this line from my previous post on “how to turn-off the ladies”:

“Tacky bathroom photos. I love the logic behind these: “No, it doesn’t matter that I have a fish-patterned shower curtain backdrop and that I look like a half-wit trying to vogue and snap pictures simultaneously. No, it’s important that I appear incompetent in learning about the camera’s self-timer and in choosing a room that doesn’t suggest fecal festivities.”

A few weeks later, check out this picture I came across on PlentyOfFish.com:

It was almost too good to be true!!! But there it is – the tacky bathroom photo featuring a fish-patterned shower curtain backdrop. I love the expression on this guy’s face, pursing his lips in deep concentration as he tries to look cool and shoot at the same time. Do I know how to call it or what!!!! I thought to myself, I could send him a link to my do-nots on profile pictures but I decided that I wanted to leave this specimen undisturbed in his natural surroundings…for me to poop on!

Moving on.

So it’s been nearly a month since I last posted a blog. Time flys by when you’re nearing the big 3-0!

As my twenties are coming to a conclusion, I’ve been contemplating the new decade to come and what I’d like to accomplish by the end. I thought I’d share my Top 10 Things to Accomplish In My Thirties list and if anybody wants to join me on these adventures, give me a holler!

1. Explore Walt Disney World…on ecstasy. I’m sure that’s going to go over well. “Mommy! How come Mulan is rubbing herself like that against Mickey Mouse?” By the way, it would be my first time visiting Disney World. I haven’t even been to Disney Land! My childhood was deprived of anything “not educational”. Advice to parents: Let your kids have fun or they’ll end up being jailed for dryhump-attacking their favourite Disney character.

2. Become a registered massage therapist and start my own day spa for men called “Male Nourishment“. As a byproduct of this, I’m also going to invent a massage table that’s ergonomically designed for the male anatomy. Here’s a rough conceptual model of what I have in mind:

3. Script and perform a comedy stand-up routine based on true events in my life. I also want to bring attention to important topics relevant to today’s global culture. For example, women’s equality. I know when women’s equality has been achieved when we have just as many cool, empowering names for our genitalia as men do. Beaver Cleaver, Hymen Hammer, Bush Snake, Helmeted Warrior, The Zipper Ripper, King Dong – with those kind of nicknames, a penis can stand tall with pride!!! What do women have to put up with? Bearded Clam, Camel Toe, Chia Pet, oh, and my favourite – Flesh Wound. WTF? I implore the ladies (and men) reading this to come up with some new ones to encourage the vagina to bloom with self-esteem! My contribution (and I swear on my life this is my idea): The Ball Mill. Hehehe

To be continued…