Me with my younger sister and brother (a.k.a. my slaves).

My sister turned twenty-three last week yet I still see the five year old brat who wouldn’t stop playing “annoying dog” for two years. If only I had watched the Dog Whisperer back then. I would have subdued her with an imitation of his taming touch. “Tsst! Tsst!”

Seriously, I need one to use on men! Yes, yes, I think I’ve got something here.

I saw a YouTube video of a local chick that would choke men between her thighs. Picture yourself facing the crotch of a hot brunette as she wraps her muscular thighs around your neck. Then picture yourself flailing your arms and gasping for air as she cackles trying to pop your now blueberry-looking head. Geez, the new dangers of going down on a girl. Move aside, Herpes, welcome Asphyxiation!

Hm, what would you dub that move? Crotch Crusher? Muff Muffler? This is starting to sound like some new form of Kung Fu…Cunt Fu! Yes! I shall master Cunt Fu to crush men who “misbehave”. Like the guy who left a comment calling me a “narcissistic cunt”. Let’s see how that would play out:

A-hole: “My, what a narcissistic cunt you are.”
Me: “I don’t believe you’ve met my cunt before. Allow me to introduce her properly. HIYEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAH!”
A-hole: “GASP! Please…air! GASP! Help!”
Me: “Ha ha ha! My Cunt Fu is strong! I will defeat you!”

(Of course, you’d have to imagine this as a poorly dubbed action movie.)

Side note: If you leave derogatory comments, have the BRAINS to come up with something creative (“narcissistic cunt” is actually a good example) and have the BALLS to leave your picture and contact information. There’s no power behind an anonymous coward.

Anyway, my sister’s birthday celebration began at my apartment. Funniest joke of the night:

A. spots the bowl of chocolate bars on the coffee table. “Oh! Chocolate!” He reaches over and grabs a Kit Kat bar and exclaims, “Hey, hey! I’ve got a joke!” We all turn our heads to him.

He unwraps the bar and holds it up. “Now you see it”. Then he holds it up against the bare skin of the only brown guy in the room. “Now you don’t”.

Ta dah! *bah doom ching*

Later my sister and I quibbled about whether or not the joke was racist. I argued that it wasn’t because it didn’t make any negative suggestions or statements about coloured people – it simply drew attention to dark skin. However, I would agree that performing the joke at an anti-racism rally wouldn’t be the best idea. Who knows what kind of mad Kung Fu/Cunt Fu will whoop yo a$$.